The chosen ones

Modern love shenanigans: part one

Ann Helen

Jan 29, 2026

Door opens

Welcome to the first part of the Modern Love Shenanigans.

This piece wasn’t supposed to be the first.

But one thought led to many others.

This article is not for those who have been cheated on.

It’s not for people who survived heartbreak.

It’s not even for people who are still healing.

So, who are the chosen ones?

The people who date them next.

The ones who do nothing wrong, but somehow end up defending themselves like suspects. The ones who show up with good intentions and somehow end up in emotional detention for crimes they didn’t commit.

Hi, You’ve Been Randomly Selected For Suffering

Imagine you meet someone. Nice conversation, good vibes, things are looking promising. You’re thinking, “Ah, finally, a sweet relationship.”

What if you’ve just been enrolled in a payment plan? Chioma or Tunde or whoever came before you has an outstanding balance, and somehow, you’re the guarantor.

You’re innocently asking, “So when should we hang out next?” and the person is five steps ahead, already convinced you’re going to mess up. You haven’t even done anything yet, but you’re already guilty. It’s like being arrested for a crime that hasn’t happened.

You miss a call because network was doing its usual nonsense.

Suddenly, it’s, “I saw this coming.”

You explain. Calmly.

They say, “Okay.”

No shouting, no fighting, no usual cruise.

Just coldness.

You stay out late with your friends.

Normal hangout. No hidden agenda.

You mention it casually, and the mood shifts.

Most times, you can sense that something is off. You know you’re being treated based on someone else’s script.

For real, it’s exhausting when you stay consistent, try to make the relationship work, and suddenly, you’re “too good to be true”, so you must be hiding something. Every single move you make gets filtered through the lens of what the last person did, and you can never win because you’re not playing against yourself, you’re playing against a ghost.

One random day, I was on a call with my friend (formerly a chosen one), and she mentioned that this person gets extremely suspicious of her and even more suspicious of his friends. Why? Because one of his old friends travelled to Ghana without telling him. When did this happen? 2010.

Now, his friends in 2026 are still paying for the sin one person committed in 2010.

His feelings are valid. Of course, it’s betrayal, and it usually breeds trust issues.

But how long will people around him keep suffering?

Imagine you’re out here sincerely trying to build something, and they’re waiting for you to fail. It’s exhausting. It’s like taking an exam where the examiner has already decided you’re going to fail, so even your correct answers somehow become wrong.

“I’m Healed” Until I’m Triggered.

Hurt doesn’t announce itself with a megaphone. People don’t walk around saying, “Warning: I’m 60% healed, proceed with caution.” It shows up in small ways. In the suspicion that creeps in when you’re just being friendly with a colleague. In the tests, where they create situations just to see if you’ll fail.

I get it, the dating scene is getting wilder, and in this society, everyone is trying to stay guarded.

But what do you mean you want to set your new girlfriend up with your cousin from your father’s side, because your ex cheated on you with your cousin from your mother’s side?

Loyalty test or Madness?

And sometimes these people don’t even realize they’re doing it. They genuinely think they’ve moved on. They’ve deleted the photos, blocked the ex.

Blocking is cool, but healing isn’t just removing someone from your life; it’s removing their effect on how you treat the next person.

We’re all humans, and realistically speaking, healing has cracks. It’s not an easy journey. But you don’t have to be the one to buy Dangote cement and start repairing the cracks.

I felt so sad when my friend told me she was literally questioning her sanity, all because a certain Jane broke her boyfriend’s heart in 2013.

As how?

The Price You Really Don’t Have to Pay

What happens when you stay?

Slowly, without even noticing it at first, you adjust.

You start overexplaining, analyzing everything to rule out accusations. You begin avoiding harmless situations. You stop laughing too freely around certain people. You turn down innocent hangouts because they feel like an atrocity. You calculate every move, every word, every reaction.

And that’s when you realize: it isn’t about trust. It’s about fear. Their fear. And now, somehow, it’s become yours too.

Honestly, it’s a difficult place to be. Because you actually care. You love this person. You see glimpses of what things could be if they just… let go. But then, while you’re loving up, remember that you can’t love someone out of their unfinished business. You can’t “good partner” your way through someone else’s mess.

You’re tiptoeing around their triggers. Becoming smaller so they can feel safer. Because you might think, “if I just prove that I’m different, they’ll finally see that I’m not the person who hurt them.”

NB: You’re not anybody’s eyes if they can’t see. It’s their choice.